2014 Reflections

Inspired by Leah over at Proverbs 31, I've decided to reflect on some blessings from this past year.

1. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with the man I love at the very place where we honeymooned.

2.  My man whisked me off for a Valentine's weekend to remember for a lifetime.  We spent a day and night in New Jersey with a beautiful view of the NYC skyline.  The following day, we went to my first ever Jim Brickman concert. He was my inspiration to be a pianist, so it was super awesome to be able to see him perform in person.

3.  This entire year, God has worked in our hearts to show us the calling He has for us.

• Mike spent the summer working at the golf course to see if he would pursue his dream as a golf pro. Though he passed his playing test in August on the first try (unheard of), something was still missing.  He knew what that was when Pastor Gary started preaching a series on Jonah the first time we visited back at Nottingham.  Mike (re)surrendered to be a preacher, and was also given back his position at his previous job with the understanding that he will eventually move to full time ministry.  
• I struggled with the leading of God to quit my full time job as an executive assistant in the corporate world.  Even though all I've ever wanted was to be a wife, mom, and homemaker, the pull of the world was strong, and I did not want to leave the financial security and self sufficiency of where I was at to become a housewife.  I struggled with what others would think of me, and if we could make ends meet, but I knew it was God's leading.  God is so good.  By His grace, I resigned, and now have the wonderful opportunity to serve more in ministry and also return to teaching piano and tutoring.

4.  One of the most trying years of our lives (September '13- September '14), is now over. God taught us so much about Him, strengthened our faith and beliefs, and has shown us where He wants us.  We have a regular home church and ministries which include the mission.

5.  We are experiencing what reconciliation of relationships in Christ are like.  Wow - definitely a work only He can do!  When misunderstandings and hurt enter the picture, it's easy to think that "it's over," but in Christ, all things can be made new.  It's amazing to actually experience reconciliation rather than holding onto bitterness and hurt for the rest of our lives.

6.  Christ is teaching me contentment - something I have always struggled with.

7.  We were blessed to be part of both Mike's sister's wedding and my sister's wedding.  Beautiful celebrations of new families that God has established.

8.  "The Best Yes" was released, read, and life changing for me.

9.  Mike and I have begun daily devotions together following every dinner.  We clear the table, grab some dessert (sometimes) and hot tea for me, then read our devotional, talk about it, and pray.  It's drawn us so much closer, and I look forward to it every day.

10.  Several songs have been especially meaningful to me this year, and I am so thankful for the truths in them:   Never Once, Lord, I Need You, Cornerstone, and Stronger.

Merry Christmas from Our Home to Yours!

"something in my heart just keeps on yearning"

"Has there ever been a time in your life where you felt closer to the Lord than you are right now?  You were more at peace... had more joy?"

Chances are, if you've been walking with the Lord for some time, you've likely heard this question asked during a sermon at your church or on a podcast maybe.  The question is posed to get people thinking about snapping out of the rut, the routine, the status quo... and really focus on where their personal relationship is with God.  And I'm pretty sure that you'll hear one or two things about joy this coming month.  It IS Christmastime.

I've heard the question countless times.  I try to give it sincere thought when it is posed, and take necessary measures according to whatever the answer may be.

But over the past couple months, I have found a hunger growing in my soul for more. You see, it's not that I haven't been walking with God.  I have been.  I've been reading my Bible, praying, going to church... the list goes on - you know how it is.  Things haven't been bad.  They've been good.  But, I'm craving more.

There is a stirring in my soul for that authenticity... for that moment by moment, in step, life flow with God.  As John puts it, the abiding in Christ.  Jesus left us specific instructions for FULL joy, "Abide in me." If we want true joy not only this Christmas season, but year round - that's where it's got to come from.

It's time to take life by the reins... time to reflect... time to pray... It's time for the tough stuff...time to get serious about sin - to lay aside some weights and what so easily besets us... looking unto Jesus, and thus experiencing that joy.

Are you in?

dreams really do come true!

To most, this appears to be nothing more than a photo of my husband and myself... a little blurry  perhaps, but not bad if you can lose sight of that.  To me, this photo captures a moment in time where my very dreams since I was a young girl are being coming true.  Let me tell you about it.  (Warning:  If you're going to read, you may want to grab a cup of coffee or something.  It's going to be long!)

If you've known me for a while, you may know that deep in my heart I have always wanted to be a wife and mom that loved Jesus with all she was and lived like it.  I wanted to be very involved in church and ministry.  I love coming alongside others to encourage or worship.

When I first got to know Mike, it was at a Bible Study that he was leading.  His study was from 1 John 1.  I may have sat through preaching all my life and heard countless sermons and even some devotions from that passage, but never had I heard it with the clarity and conviction that he gave that day.  It stuck with me every day... how we have to keep the window of our souls clean to let God's light shine through us... and when we let the window get clouded with sin instead, we hide God's light.  There was more to it, but the point I am making was that the Bible Study made a significant impact on me.  

But it wasn't just the Bible Study I couldn't stop thinking about, it was the guy that gave it!  I didn't know guys like him existed anymore! I mean he was a LOT of fun and rather crazy to be honest, but he lived for God too.  What?! 

Well, you likely know our story from there, but if you want to read about it, you can here. 

I remember one Sunday afternoon when Mike and I were dating.  I had been struggling to resolve some things in my mind.  See, at one point just several years earlier, I thought that God may be leading me into full time service - as in, not working a full time job in the everyday professional world, but to be working everyday in the church world.  Life happened though, and God had not brought me to that point.  Yet, that desire was still there, and I knew that soon I would be making a rather large decision in my life - who I was going to marry!

Mike and I had talked about serving God.  I had found out that years earlier (about the same time that I began to sense the call of God on my life), he had surrendered to preach.  Yet, as life went along, he did not feel that was what he was supposed to do anymore.  When he told me this, my heart skipped a beat, and I think even in that moment I knew that God was going to do much more with our story.

Yet as I approached the time where I knew the question was going to come about marriage, I needed to have peace in my heart that I was absolutely, without a doubt, taking the correct path in life.  I will not bore you with all of those details, but I can tell you that as I prayed and read the Word that Sunday, God gave me 100% assurance and peace that if Mike were to ask me to marry him, my answer to him should be yes.

The time came for Mike to talk to my dad about marriage... and my dad's answer to him was, "I always knew that Anna was supposed to marry a preacher, and that's how we raised her.  But, I've been praying about it, and God just has given me peace that she's supposed to marry you.  I really don't understand it, but yes."

Well to make a long story short, Mike and I were married with our parents blessing.  The first year and a half of our marriage have not been easy.  Many struggles have come our way, but we have done our best to keep our eyes on Jesus and have faith when we didn't feel like it.  My health has proven to be a huge struggle.  Mike was not happy with his job even when he had the opportunity to follow his dream at a golf course!  All of this was God working.  Through some messages on Jonah from our Pastor and many, many other little things, my husband (re)surrendered to preach and serve the LORD full-time with his life.

Now, about that photo you see up there... well, the mission is one of my very favorite places to be.  I served there on Saturday nights for about 5 years in a row faithfully - while I was still in college, before I moved to California and after, and even before I met my husband.

But Thursday night found us driving to the mission, and as we were about five minutes away, my heart just leaped in anticipation and happiness as it felt like for the first time in forever, I was finally just about "home." Everything in my life had been leading to this moment, and there we were.

So before we ever jumped out of the car to walk into the mission, I had to capture this photo - the beginning of my "home".  Mike preached a powerful message on salvation. He led the song service as I played the piano.  And I sang a couple of the guys favorite songs.

I don't really know how to wrap up this story... because it is really just the beginning.

But maybe the best way is to end with a beginning... the lyrics to the song that was sung directly before we said our marriage vows.

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

The sun comes up

It's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass

And whatever lies before me

Let me be singing

When the evening comes

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

You're rich in love

And You're slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons

For my heart to find

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Bless You Lord

And on that day

When my strength is failing

The end draws near

And my time has come

Still my soul will

Sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years

And then forevermore

Forevermore

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

Oh my soul

I'll worship Your Holy name

Hypo Kalemic Huh?

That's what I usually get when trying to have this tough conversation with people.  It is usually accompanied with an extremely confused and puzzled look because up till now, my wall has been up, and I'm just like every other person - not a weak muscle in my body.  And the very reason I usually have this conversation is because I've reached a point where I can't keep up that wall any more... because it's crumbling. Today the reason is different.

Before I proceed further, let me take a moment to give you the Wikipedia version of what this is that I was diagnosed with a couple years ago.

Defined:  Hypokalemic periodic paralysis is a rare, autosomal dominant channelopathy characterized by muscle weakness or paralysis with a matching fall in potassium levels in the blood (primarily due to defect in a voltage-gated calcium channel). In individuals with this mutation, attacks often begin in adolescence and are triggered by strenuous exercise followed by rest, high carbohydrate meals, meals with high sodium content, sudden changes in temperature, and even excitement, noise or flashing lights. Weakness may be mild and limited to certain muscle groups, or more severe full body paralysis. Attacks may last for a few hours or persist for several days. Recovery is usually sudden when it occurs, due to release of potassium from swollen muscles as they recover. Some patients may fall into an abortive attack or develop chronic muscle weakness later in life.

My version:  Keeping it simple, there are certain triggers (heat, cold, high carbs, strenuous activity, stress, etc.)... you know, parts of every day life... that cause these "attacks."  Attacks for me vary in kinds as well as severity.  One, all the muscles in my body cramp up, and I look like I'm having a seizure (imagine a spider balled up once water is sprayed on it).  Two, all my muscles loose strength, and I can't move a muscle (imagine a dead person).  Both of these attacks generally include not being able to speak (literally), unable to move, extreme emotions, exhaustion, and difficulty breathing.  These attacks are varied and usually occur very unexpectedly.

Chances are, you haven't seen me like this.  Somehow, I am usually able to keep it in until I can let it go (Thus the reason I may disappear at an event).  Chances are, you don't understand.  That's understandable.  Only 1 out of 100,000 people are diagnosed with this.

Two out of four in my family have been blessed enough to be diagnosed and are now on medicine to help prevent having as many attacks.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I need to - for myself and for others with HKPP. There are those out there who have this disabling diagnosis and yet others who have yet to be diagnosed, but it is real, and it is written about so little.  My doctor sees maybe 1 patient a year with this.

It can be difficult to live with this.  Reasons are varied.

1)  People don't get it - you seem normal most of the time, so you should be normal all the time.  Maybe 10% believe I actually have a legit health problem.  But I guarantee that if they would see someone with an attack, they would want to dial 911 in a heartbeat.  No need.  We live this most of our lives.  We know it will eventually pass.  It's something we hide.  It's something we don't talk about.  Because we wish it weren't true.  And most of the time we try to fool ourselves into thinking its not.

2)  We are young. We're full of life and dreams and for those of us who are Christians, we want to be ALL OUT for God! Besides, isn't the mark of a true servant of God faithfulness? But there are certain limitations, and we just can't push ourselves past them, otherwise we WILL be flat on the couch, unable to take a step, and fighting for our next breath.  There are just sometimes when we can't be "faithful" to do everything that everyone (ourselves included) thinks we should do.

This is something I have faught with ever since I started having problems two years into college.  I want to be more, do more! -- And people expect it too! It's hard for me to understand why God would allow this in my life when my desire is to serve Him.

But just the other day, the sweet Holy Spirit revealed something to me as I was praying over this for the billionth time.  He whispered to me the words of the verse in Corinthians... the words that He whispered to me years ago when I sensed I wanted to do something special for Him.

"I have chosen the weak things."

And so, I'm breaking down the wall.  I'm going to be honest with myself and with others about the lot God has allowed me to have in life.  And I'm going to cling to this verse, letting God use what He has chosen as HE sees fit.

the value of work

"Being busy does not always mean real work.
The object of all work is production or accomplishment
and to either of these ends
there must be forethought,
system,
planning,
intelligence and honest purpose,
as well as perspiration."

Thomas Edison

one year | january 19 | Honeymoon 2.0

celebrating our very 1st wedding anniversary at Joseph Ambler Inn ~ the very place we honeymooned!